Well he finished off the bottle tonight, he obviously must of had something else, because tonight he was pretty fucked up. More so than usual since he passed out at 10:30 pm (he is usually up to well past 12am). Maybe it was because he had more to drink or maybe he had a few valiums to go along withe cocktails. Who knows. He seems to be getting more drunk these days, tonight he was hardly articulate. My dad is not a happy drunk, he is not the kind of guy that is fun to be around when drinking, but I guess most alcoholics aren't.
Ever since I was young I remember my dad having a drink(s) at night. It always caused problems. He would be this great, nice, caring guy during the day. But then after work, or whenever he got home he would have a few. And then the Jekyll/Hyde transformation would take place. This nice, kind, gentle, caring man would turn into a hateful, spiteful, angry, arrogant, mentally abusive monster.
When I was a child he was probably drunk a lot, I just did not recognize it because I had no concept of what being drunk was. However, one of the first times that I cognitively recognized my dad as being blatantly intoxicated occurred when I was 16. My family went to a Labor Day BBQ or some type of summer party at a family friends house. He started drinking, and then began to eat doritos and other snack foods like a complete slob in front of everyone. He was throwing the food in his mouth like the Cookie Monster devouring a box of Famous Amos cookies, crumbs were flying everywhere and his fingers were stained orange from the power cheese on the doritos.
He began making inappropriate comments about some girls there who were around my age. I don't recall the exact things he said; its more his physical actions and how he looked that remember. However, one flashbulb memory I do have is the car ride home. I was driving, my mother in the passenger seat, and he was sprawled out across the backseats. While driving this van of the dysfunction he is constantly berating me on how shitty of a driver I am.
The next morning he apologized for his actions. Which was the one and only time he ever apologized for being drunk. Now I just assume he drinks so much that he forgets what he says or did when he wakes up.
He is 62 now and drinks more than i ever remember. I'm not sure how much longer this can go on. I only ever confront him about it when he is obliterated and does something to anger me. I want to confront him about it during the day when he is sober, I just don't have the balls. He will probably get offended and change the subject. But maybe I should just straight up ask him why he drinks so much at night.
Anyways, thats enough rambling for tonight. Don't worry, more great memories to come in the future.
1 comment:
Talk to him while he's sober... I know, it's much easier to say it than actually do it. But sometimes we need to get up and say it. Trust me, for my own experience, you'll be sorry if you don't say something. Try to easy itup for him, try to talk gently aslong as possible, and if you can't, just say "I'm sorry, I got carried away, let me try again.". Maybe he'll be ashamed, because you'll be the grown up, and just maybe, this'll get him to start thinking about his mistakes. And he shows the will, how about offering to go with him at an AA meeting? Anyway, I don't mean to tell you what to do, I just wanna help, you seem to be one of the good guys! I wish the best for you! Bye!
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